Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Tales from the crypts of shamanism

The world was created by a dog spelled backwards.

CBS was there when it happened. It took only eight days, but one of them was faulty and it was recalled.

God was born to a virgin who never had sexual intercourse in her life. No one has ever explained whether she was a lesbian or not, or if she was a member of the LGBT crowd favored by Obama.

In the heavens, besides the Microsoft clouds, we have a 'creature' that is very old and who has an extremely long white beard. No one ever told him about Gillette razor blades.

When this 'thing' gets very upset, he starts moving furniture around the heavens, he calls them thunder.

This 'thing' always seems to be extremely pissed off. It you are a naughty little boy or girl who stole Hershey bars from the supermarket shelf, he will send you for eternity to a place he calls 'hell.'

You are never allowed to scream when you are sent to hell.

What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? The latter does not scream when placed in the oven.

God's favorite creatures he calls politicians. He created them from very large piles of shit. Their stink reaches God in the heavens every day of the year.

If you are 'good' during your life, God will give you 12,000 virgins to play with for the rest of your existence in the heavens. Bring your own condoms. Thy don't have BOGO's there.

This compendium will be published in “The Book of Stupid.”


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